alternative mascot

EIS was king. We were the undisputed reigning champion of the Association of American Schools in Central America—in the three sports that mattered, that is. Football, basketball and volleyball were the most popular extracurricular activities at our school, and boy, were we the best. Everybody always knew we would win. The newspapers came to cover our games because we were so good.

I was a student, so that’s why I say we.

When my friend roped me into mascot tryouts, I was so pumped to be the EIS Bulldog. That majestic creature was never done justice. Whoever was in the suit was usually so limp and unenthusiastic. I was so ready to bring a new spirit to the suit. I would rally the school and we would cheer on those champions!

When we got to the tryouts, there were a lot of teams there, and they were all wearing their gear. I noticed a team of four students was wearing polo shirts, which I thought was weird. When my turn came, I jumped, I cheered, I fist-pumped. I was so great.

I was so good, they told me to stay immediately after tryouts were over. The team in polo shirts came up to me, and I was confused.

“I think you’re perfect for this!” said the only girl. Her shirt said ‘Whiz Kid’ on the back. I thought, doesn’t whiz mean pee?

The tallest boy, the one with big glasses, nodded. The medium one said, “Dude, you’re gonna be so good.”

Then, the little one said, “Follow me.”

Still confused, I followed them to the gym teacher’s office. Inside was an extremely rotund bumblebee costume. I narrowed my eyes and noticed that instead of being the regular black and yellow, the stripes were blue and yellow. The colors of our school.

“This is the Bee,” the girl said, “EIS’ alternative mascot.”

I looked at her and blinked. Repeatedly. “What?” I asked after a while.

“The school thought they should reserve the Bulldog for the ‘real’ teams,” she said. “Remember that year we had a drama department? The school still had this costume and they gave it to us, so we’re reclaiming it as our mascot.”

“Wait, I don’t get it,” I said. “What team are you guys?”

“Knowledge Bowl!” the little guy said, chuckling and rolling his eyes. “You’ll be the smart mascot. Get it? ‘Cause it’s a bee?”

“The spelling bee, music and arts teams will also be able to use it, if you’re concerned about that,” said the tall one, quickly.

“I mean,” I started, blanking on what to say to them. What the hell had I been stuck with? Did my friend know this would happen?

I looked at them, with their smiles on their faces and thought about the weird names on their backs. Why the hell not? I could still make the school rally for this team. They were still champions. They still kicked ass! THEY WERE EIS GODDAMMIT.

I bunched my eyebrows together, nodded, and looked the girl square in the face, “I accept this responsibility. There will be no better Bee than me. I will be THE BEST BEE I CAN BE.”

She looked taken aback, but then smiled. “Yeah, okay,” she said, “awesome!”

I put on my Bee suit and marched out of the gym teacher’s office, with the Knowledge Bowl team walking behind me. We would rule that school.